What is your lousy problem with mankind and human civilization? I see you have damned us all to die in some horrific, out of nowhere fashion in your new film 2012. Like, what happened to you as a child to make you want to destroy the planet and us in the process? Someone should take away your film directing license so you won't have to make movies like these again.
Ya see, when you started to give us catastrophe you at least gave us hope like in Independence Day. You made aliens from outer space come and blow us to bits with those cool lasers. BUT you gave us a young Will Smith and kinda young Jeff Goldblum to cram a nuke up E.T.'s ass and blow them to hell. Yeah our planet was littered with space crap, but the ending message was, don't eff with the earthlings. Good job.
Then came Godzilla. Not a lot of people liked that movie but I loved it because you made that giant iguana tear New York a new poopshoot, deservingly so. I haven't been that excited seeing New York get trashed since Ghostbusters and the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man. But who did you get to try save the day? You made New York City rely on FERRIS BUELLER to save them from total destruction. He's Godzilla you idiot, not Mr. Rooney.
Next, you made The Day After Tomorrow. Now what's the big idea having half the world looking like an unthawed freezer at Costco? And this time you send no one to save our stuck up, frozen asses, but you sent Dennis Quaid to save his gay, cowboy son, Jake Gylenhall, or Gylenhale or Glycerine or whatever his name is.
You also made some uber lousy movies that ended up on the $5.99 shelf at Blockbuster, like 10,000 BC, which probably stands for Bull Crap because that's what that picture is. I haven't seen it myself, but it looked like a long, boring, realistic, unfunny adaptation of The Flintstones, so PASS.
Now you wanna make a film on how the ancient Mayans predicts the world will end December 21st, 2012? FOUR STINKIN' DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS? Dude, you crazy? What makes you think that just because their over-glorified, Fisher Price, calendar ended on that date, the world is gonna END? Of course almost ALL ancient civilizations said the world was gonna end the same time, but that's because they were probably lazy and copied the Mayans. If the Chinese gave a different date first, we'd believe them instead. Hell, if the date of the last day on earth appeared in a Chinese fortune cookie, we'd believe that over some Mayan coo-coo calendar. I think the ancient Mayans stopped their calendar on December 21st, 2012 because the calendar guy either got fired or found another job. Or maybe he just died and his boss said "aaaaah well, that calendar is long enough the way it is".You wanna call ME ignorant? Go ahead, doofus. But at least I didn't sink Los Angeles into the Pacific killing millions like in that picture up there. Click on it and see.
What do you expect would actually happen when that day comes, Mr. Emmerich? Nothing I bet. I bet you're gonna be in your Hollywood mansion busy counting your money laughing like Stalin while the rest of us are all huddled in caves like Osama Bin Laden and his band of flunkies, all paranoid and afraid to come out because of your stupid' movie. But a couple days before December 21st, 2012, I plan on going to YOUR house to find YOU. And I'll be right there to ruin whatever secret plan you have cooked up so you can kiss your own sauerkraut butt goodbye like the rest of us. Believe that.
Lista.
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